No one wants to fail.

However, at this point, most of us understand that failure is part of learning and growth. We talk about it. We quote it. We tell ourselves it builds character.

But here is what I have realized.

We understand that failure is necessary, yet many of us are failing in a way that keeps us stuck.

In my effort to live the fullest, most aligned life I can, I started noticing a pattern. Failure itself was not the problem. The way I stayed inside it was. I was stretching moments that could have been learning experiences into long, unproductive cycles.

So I went looking for a better way to fail. Not a cleaner way. Not a prettier way. A more effective way.

Here is what I discovered.

times Have Changed

We live in a fast-moving, information-heavy world. Gone are the days when we can spend years circling the same heartbreak, job loss, or identity crisis without consequence. Life does not pause while we figure ourselves out and I have learned that refusing to move with life quietly costs us.

Failing is unavoidable.
Lingering in failure is optional.

That realization led me to practice something uncomfortable but necessary. Failing faster.

Before I go any further, I want to be clear. When you fail, the grief process is often involved. Denial. Sadness. Anger. Guilt. I do not believe in rushing that process. Grief is real and it serves a purpose. Feeling your feelings matters. Sitting with pain matters.

But there is a difference between processing pain and parking yourself inside it.

Especially when failure becomes an identity instead of an experience.

Looking back at my own life and the lives of people around me, I can see it clearly now. We do not stay stuck because we are dramatic or weak. We stay because we are tired, overwhelmed, and unsure how to move forward without pretending we are fine.

So, like I always do, I went digging.

Where This Lesson Came From

Like many lessons that matter, this one came from a breakup.
I thought I was deeply in love. When the relationship ended, I was devastated. And I stayed devastated for years. Not weeks. Years.
What finally shifted everything was one simple question.
Do you actually want to be with him?
Not a future version of him.
Not who he could become if things changed.
Not the version I hoped for.

Him exactly as he was. Unchanged. Unfiltered.

When I answered that question honestly, the answer was no.

And that was it.

That moment did more for me than years of crying ever had. The pain softened almost immediately because I realized something uncomfortable but freeing. I was not grieving the person. I was grieving the benefits of the relationship and the fantasy I had attached to it.

I wanted love. I wanted partnership. I wanted the feeling of being chosen and I had confused those desires with the person standing in front of me.

I was mourning the wrong thing.

Yes, I had strong feelings and as Ms. Rachel says, big feelings are okay. But the reality was much simpler than I had made it. I did not lose some great romance. I had an experience. I learned about myself and relationships. That was it.

I blew it out of proportion and paid for it with time I will never get back.

What surprised me most was how fast that one question changed everything. Perspective matters. Sometimes what we need is not more time, but a moment of clarity.

That experience led me to another question.

Why do we stay longer than we need to?

Because staying tricks us into believing it is easier.
It feels easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility.
It feels easier to feel sorry for ourselves than to face uncertainty.
It feels easier to stay still when we are already exhausted.

Sometimes we sit with failure because we are quietly hoping someone else will come along and fix it for us.

They rarely do.

Three Ways I Am Learning to Fail Faster

1. Radical Honesty
Failing faster starts with telling the truth about what is actually happening.
Not the softened version.
Not the story that protects your ego.
The truth.
Ask yourself questions that cut through fantasy.
Is this actually aligned with what I want?
Am I grieving reality or an idea?
If nothing changed, would I choose this again?

Honesty stings briefly. Avoidance drains you slowly.

2. Learn, Then Move

Failure itself is not the lesson. What you take from it is.

Sit with what happened long enough to understand it. Look at the patterns. Notice where you ignored yourself. Acknowledge what you tolerated that you should not have.

Then move.

Staying mentally stuck replaying the same story does not equal growth. Moving forward without learning guarantees repetition. While you may need to do both for a time, you cannot live in the middle forever.

3. Do Not Fake Healing

There is a difference between being done and pretending to be done.

Real healing requires effort. It is like pulling Christmas lights out of a box. You can rush, shove them back in, and deal with the same mess next year. Or you can slow down, untangle them properly, and maybe even create a better system so it does not happen again.

Sometimes I untangle the lights.
Sometimes I throw them away and buy new ones.

Both are valid when done intentionally.

Final Thoughts

Failing faster is not about being cold or careless. It is about shortening the gap between awareness and action. It is about respecting your time, your energy, and your future self enough to stop living in what no longer serves you.

Grieve what needs grieving.

Learn what needs learning.
Then move.

Life is not slowing down. And neither should you.

**Almost Goodbye** is a guided workbook for the woman who has let go… almost.
It helps you get honest, break the cycle, and release what no longer fits without shame, rushing, or forcing.
You don’t have to carry the past weight into your future.
You can learn more here by clicking the link below.

Learn more About The Almost goodbye Workbook